Birthday

This is interesting...I found it on another person's website, and decided to make it my own.

Your Birthdate: September 21

Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing. You are energetic and always a good conversationalist. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about. You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive. You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Cold

outside, it is. I have just ran 24.31 in the past 2 days, and it's no wonder. With parents like mine, anyone would do something to keep their mind off their daily life.

Today I got up about 12:30 and went to get a storage unit. I made it to the gym by 2:15, and I finished around 4:15. I went to get my parents and brother to take the top off of my jeep. Just after, we went back to their house. I'd say it was about 6:45, we were sitting around talking at their house. My sister was there, bitch, and she asked my Dad if her insurance covered dental. He said no. My mom must have then remembered something she had needed to ask him about the insurance, because she said, "I still haven't gotten something back from the insurance on that blah blah blah...." I realized then that, yes, they WERE paying for my sister's insurance. I said at this time, "You are paying for her insurance?" My mom looked at me with a guilty as sin face and said "Yes, it's all included in our policy or whatever."

At this point, I just walked out of there. I can't deal with the fact that my sister is 23 years old, still lives at home, works as a waitress, dropped out of college, and still gets whatever she wants from my parents. She doesn't even have to ask for it. They just assume she needs it because she is so damn irresponsible.

I don't know how many people realize that I'm going back to school to get a different degree, but during this time I will not be working. I have had to take out a loan and get new medical insurance. I have insurance through my employer now, but that will be nonexistent after May 31st.

So after I found out they are paying for her insurance as well as everything else in the world for her, I just decided I'd had enough and left.

I came home and showered after a long day of running and taking the top off the jeep, and decided to go back over. We were supposed to cook out for memorial day. Lo and behold, I go back over, and they had already cooked and eaten. I was so pissed I just left. I will not be going back.

And now it's about 68 degrees outside, about to rain, and my jeep still has no top on. My brother was going to help me put the soft top on when I went over for dinner.

In my opinion, this whole day has just been COLD.

Blue

I know, I know, it's been a couple of days since the last post. A lot has gone on.

My brother graduated from high school.
My loan check came in for school.
My boss has been sick for 2 days with some sort of...virus.

There is some other random stuff, most of which I can't remember.

David is apparently way past over me. No mention whatsoever lately of coming over, or vice versa. I'm becoming quite lonely, and that's very odd for me. I tend to be a BIGTIME loner.

I'm nervous. Only 1 more day of work, and then I start school. That's right. June 1st it will be school time, all the time. Scary, considering the amount of time I've been out (only a year, but still.)

I feel bad, I have been to the gym only once this week. I will be going both Saturday and Sunday. I'm really not in that much of a typing mood. I don't know why I decided to do it now. Bad idea, it seems. I think I'm just in a bad mood from talking to David and realizing the feelings he no longer has for me...oh well.

What can you do?

Weirdness

Ok today was a weird one. I not only left work at noon, but I called and got an appointment with the allergy doctor on June 8th. See, I have this really bad problem with allergies in my eyes now, after not having them all my life. I really don't understand it. I've never had allergies, ever, and now I get them so bad I can't wear my contacts half the time. It has gotten really bad in the last 2-3 years.

Also, I went to Best Buy and picked up some new headphones when I left work. I didn't get to the gym (a plus to being off early) until 2, and I ran for a good 11.5 miles. Afterwards, I went to the parentals' house, and talked to my mom for about an hour.

When I came home, I got ready for the season finale of LOST!! which was 2 hours long. It was awesome, but disappointing. It did not reveal anything new or exciting, just gave us more to worry about, in my opinion.

I decided, since I have not been able to blog on Safari (the browser that comes standard to a Mac), that I would try to do it on the Foxfire browser. It seems to work on most everything. It worked, and here I am, blogging with all the options now available right there. Normally, I can blog ok, I just can't do anything extra, so to speak. Now with the Foxfire, it's available. Weirdness...

Motorcycle.

Well, I just got home from riding on the motorcycle with David. We drove around the city for about an hour and 15 minutes. He showed me his new office he's moving into on Monday.

When I got home, I saw that my parents had called. I had called them earlier, and they were rude. So I debated on calling back. I did go ahead and call, and while I was talking to my Mom, David called on my cellphone. I listened to his message and he said that Frank was having a party to celebrate his #1 status for Where's Georgeing in Texas. I decided not to go, being it was already 10:00. 95% of the people going to the thing have no real job commitment, so I'll let them celebrate with him...

I did find out where Rene happened to be today. She went down to WT to check on some classes for this summer. I didn't know she was doing this, but it's ok. I think she mentioned it to her Dad, and that's enough for me.

Venting

Well, I am at work. It's 9:50 in the a.m. and still no word from Rene on whether she's coming into work or not. This wouldn't be a big deal, ok yes it would, if she hadn't done it like 4 times since January!! What the fuck!

Anyway, so now that I am on my last week at work, she feels like she needs to get one more day of skipping in before I leave.

I mean, does her Dad owning the firm give her the right to be absent whever she feels compelled? No. Besides her being gone for the 5th time since January, I haven't even heard from her! Total disrespect. No respect for anyone but herself.

She had told me once that her sister is too self-involved. I think that's the common factor in the whole family. I don't know.

Busy as a bee

I have a busy week coming up. I have to run on Tuesday and Wednesday night. This is because on Thursday night my brother graduates from high school. :(

On Friday I am going to eat with my boss's wife and Rene (coworker), for my last day of work. We are drinking, and I picked Olive Garden. Should be yummy!

I will then run on Saturday and Sunday, and on Monday get new tires and take the top off my jeep FINALLY.

Should be a busy week, and I'm pumped!

Quiz

Great weekend! I ran both Saturday and Sunday, and cooked for my parents Sunday night. I cooked them Pasta Primavera, and included Vanilla Wafer Banana Pudding for dessert. They loved it. :)

I have a quiz I want to put on here, so I can see if anyone looks at this thing...

QUIZ

3 names you go by
1. Tonya
2. Hey
3. Tonya D'Lynn!

3 screen names you have had
1. tonya921
2. lucky921
3. liferunner921

3 physical things you like about yourself
1. eyes
2. hair
3. feet

3 physical things you don't like about yourself
1. my butt
2. my legs
3. my shoulders

3 parts of your heritage
1. German
2. Swiss
3. Texan

3 things you are wearing right now
1. pajamas
2. glasses
3. hair rubberband

3 Favorite bands/Musical artists
1. Bright Eyes
2. Death Cab for Cutie
3. Tool/A Perfect Circle

3 favorite songs
1. She has no time - Keane
2. Take It Easy - Bright Eyes
3. Judith - A Perfect Circle

3 things you want in a relationship
1. Trust
2. Honesty
3. Romance

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you
1. dark features
2. bad boy look/appeal, but the nice guy actuality
3. taller than myself

3 of your favorite hobbies
1. running
2. music
3. writing

3 things you want to do really badly right now
1. go to the store to get some ice cream
2. talk to my mom
3. sleep

3 things that scare you
1. getting fat
2. the dark
3. insects

3 of your everday essentials
1. shampoo & conditioner
2. diet mountain dew
3. apples

3 careers you have considered/are considering
1. Teacher/Writer
2. Modeling
3. Nutritionist

3 places you want to go on vacation
1. Switzerland
2. New York
3. Massachusetts

3 kids names you like
1. Aiden
2. Emma
3. Braden

3 things you wanna do before you die
1. Travel
2. Have a house
3. learn to play a musical instrument

3 ways you are stereotypically a boy
1. I love jeeps
2. I check out every every girl & compare
3. I don't listen

3 ways you are stereotypically a chick
1. I really love to shop
2. I love to have clean hair
3. I drive really bad

3 celeb crushes
1. Johnny Depp
2. Hugh Grant
3. Ian Sommerhall

3 people I would like to see take this quiz now
1. You
2. You
3. and You

Star Wars

When asking a friend of mine, David, about Star Wars. He went to see it at 4 today.

phreakboyD (7:22:15 PM): whats up
tonya921 (7:22:53 PM): hey
tonya921 (7:22:55 PM): how was it
phreakboyD (7:23:25 PM): pretty good
tonya921 (7:24:17 PM): just pretty good
tonya921 (7:24:23 PM): not excellent?
phreakboyD (7:24:38 PM): just pretty good
phreakboyD (7:25:06 PM): better than the first two
tonya921 (7:27:39 PM): oh

So, there you have it folks. Straight from the viewer's mouth. Er, keyboard.

The Circle

I now remember why I like running to A Perfect Circle.

It's perfect for running! It has the perfect beat, and there is a bit of liveliness just when I need it. It has very low- toned songs, with hardly any variance throughout the cd. It puts me in a sort of depressed mood, which is what I guess I need to run a really nice, steady run. The cd exudes steadiness, I guess.

In other words, I had an excellent run last night people. It was all I needed to make my night. I can't get over how little it takes to satisfy me...

Quirks

OH MY GOD! As yet another car sits out in front of my office, bass blasting, I know more than ever that quitting this job and getting my degree in English is the way to go.

My office is in a bad part of town. Odd, since I work for a CPA who does oil and gas taxes for some of the richest people in Amarillo.

He also smokes in the office; another reason why I'm quitting.

Don't get me wrong--I would NOT try to impinge on another person's rights, ever.

But there is something to be said about someone who smokes in their office, and when an employee knocks on the door to go into their office and speak to them, they throw their cigarette in the desk drawer. Two things to be noted here:

1. Yes, my boss keeps his door shut. He's an introvert, which I respect highly, based on my own relativeness.

2. Is the fact that he smokes cumbersome for himself?

Who knows. All I know is that after 8 more days, I will no longer be working here. I will be off learning new literature and grammar. Having lack of more poignant things to say as of late, I feel I need to go back to what I believe I was meant to do. Back to what I would be doing, had I not got the strange idea of thinking I had a half of a clue about accounting.

Diversity

Well, today...that was interesting...I went to 2 different parties for friends of mine that I haven't seen in ages. One of them, Justin, I haven't seen in, holy hell! like, 6 months or longer. I will tell you about them.

First of all, I didn't even wake up until like nearly 12:30 today. I received some much needed sleep last night, I can tell you that much. Then, after waking myself up, I finally went to the gym to run and such. (3rd day this week yay! Only one more day to go) I came home and showered, and was headed over to my parents' house for some lounging. I remembered a friend of mine, JoAnn, had left me a message at 9:45 this morning to tell me they were having a party for her son's birthday starting at 6. I thought about going, but decided just to go ahead to my parents' house and see what they were up to. I went all the way over there, and they weren't even there!! Soooooo I called up JoAnn and decided to run by there and see what was up. I ended up drinking a couple of beers, and stayed until about 8. I left then, and was on my way home, and I thought of calling my friend Justin to see what he was up to. He calls ALL THE TIME, and I never hang out with him, so I thought I'd surprise him. Boy did I ever. He told me to stop by, that his neighbor had a birthday party going on and there were some people over. I stopped by, and it was a great time...

I met the birthday girl, who was dressed in a white tank top and a flowered white and blue paisley skirt. Under it all, she had cowboy boots on. Don't ask me what that was all about, I don't know. Her fiancee was there; he was drunk, and was telling me about his business with his dad as pecan farmers in Portales, NM. Interesting. I met Justin's friend Michael, who looked identical to Jason Biggs...He was cute! But, he was only 20. He is from Norman, OK and going to school at WT next semester for Engineering. Another girl I met was Joy; she works in the Phillips plant in Borger. She is not only Catholic, but she goes to St. Thomas, the same church I sometimes attend. She was really pretty. She was 31, and was hooking up with some guy there who was also 31. Odd. There were many more people, none of whom I found out their names. It was very interesting, to say the least. Oh and one more thing, Justin's neighbor was from Wisconsin, so that was really cool, also. I never knew we had such diversity in this little town. I had a great time, and I left around midnight. Everyone else left, also. I came home, and now I am going to go over to David's house. He has invited me to come over and hang out, haha. At this hour of near 1:00 am. Oh well, nice day. Gym tomorrow...

The Latest

Well, here it is Friday the 13th. I have not posted in days, mostly becauseI've been thoroughly busy. I have had a lot of work to do at my office, and for Mother's Day I was gone all day to Nazareth. That great town of a mere 300 people. I like visiting, but it's no place to live.

I have not been running as much as I would like. Sunday, I didn't get to go to the gym because of the whole Mother's Day thing. I had planned to go, but I didn't want to drive to Nazareth, and unless I didn't want to go, I had to ride with my brother. I did not go to the gym Monday or Tuesday, just out of pure laziness. On Wednesday and Thursday, I did go. It was so nice, I can't understand why it's so hard to get my butt up there. I am going to make myself go on Saturday and Sunday. Today I think I will pass, as my legs are sore from the past 2 days.

David seems to be on some sort of hiatus from me. It is not fun, he rarely talks to me except if to tell me something has just happened. I used to hear from him regardless of whether or not he has anything really to say. He used to call me after work, or anytime that I wasn't near a computer, and he didn't know where I was. Also, he used to leave me messages when I was away from the computer, saying goodnight or whatever the case may be. Oh well. Just a guy for ya.

I have received my Promissory Note from Bank of America. I don't know about all this loan stuff. If I get this loan, I will be so worried about it I probably won't focus on my classes. I guess we'll see what happens. Dad is supposed to look over it before I sign it and sent it back.

I don't really have much going on outside of all that. I lead a pretty regular life. I wish I could do something worthwhile, and make myself feel like I have a reason for being. I guess it will come one day...who knows.

Bleed

I am over at my parents' house right now, doing my laundry. I am extremely tired. I know why. I went to work yesterday, late, and after work I went to the gym to run, which was a sucky run. I then went home and refixed my hair in order to go to a Cinco de Mayo party, which also sucked. Let me say something about that before I continue on...

This party was the worst thing I've been to in a while. It was in the American Legion building downtown, which I had never been to before. I showed up at 10:30 or so, thinking it was going to be a good time. When I walked in the front door, I could tell immediately that this was not the most exciting place to be on a Friday night. The front room was well lit, with people milling around. People being around 20-25 count probably. In other words, not that many people were there, from what I could tell. There were folding tables around the room in a long rectangle. I'm guessing that there were silent auction items on these tables. I saw Theresa, JoAnn's sister in law, to my left, sitting at a table. I went and said hi to her, but she was busy. I turned around and David and Bendsley were headed my direction. I talked to them for a few minutes, about nothing really, and then walked over past the tables and said hello to Samantha. She was talking to some random man, and I didn't know who he was, so I looked around for JoAnn. I spotted her only a few feet away, talking to a cop. I walked over to her, and she looked at me, smiled, and said "Hello! I have not seen you in ages!" I said "I know!" and we hugged. Then, she introduced me to the cop, and we chatted for a bit, the three of us. When JoAnn mentioned for me to get a beer, that it was free, I obliged. I walked over to the window to ask for a beer from the girl there, and learned there was no Coors Light. They offered only Miller or Smirnoff. Not Vodka, those awful things they have out now that are an excuse for a sweet alcoholic beverage. I noticed they had the little 8 oz. cans of soda, and I asked for a Diet Coke. I turned around and David and Bendsley had walked over and we decided to watch people dancing. What I didn't know was that there was a dance going on in the next room. David said they had spotted a lot of cute girls. Ok. Let me stop right there.

I don't know why he told me that. I don't care to hear it, and he's never said that about any other place we've been to together. He has never mentioned when he sees girls he thinks are cute. I was upset. When we were standing there, watching the people in the next room dance, he and Bendsley were talking about all the girls that were there. I DON'T want to hear all that. He may not care about me anymore, but I get jealous when he talks like that. I'll cut to the chase. When we were leaving, he told JoAnn that if there were any cute girls that wanted his number, that she was to give it to them. Plus, all evening, when we were talking about various things, he was so rude. Just in every little thing he said. And one other thing, when a lady walked by once with her fat belly hanging out of her shirt, I made the comment that he should get with her. He just said, "No, I already have the lucky ladies picked out that I want." Seriously! Do you have to say that? UGGHHH.

Well, so when we left, I decided I needed to go get a baby shower gift bag for today for a friend of mine, Tiffany. I went to Walmart, and I guess they decided to go to Hummers, because the next thing I knew, I had a voicemail. I hadn't even heard my phone ring. But anyway, I checked my voicemail and he had said they were going there. I called him back and said, "I don't think I'm going to go. I am at Walmart getting a bag for Tiffany, and then I'm going home. I don't really want to go anyway because you were so rude tonight." All he said was, "Oh. I am sorry." So, that was that. I went home, when he got home, he chatted online with me for a few minutes, and then went to bed. I couldn't believe it. I saw him at the baby shower today, and I've talked to him a little on AIM, but other than that, I haven't really had the impression he wants to even talk to me. I guess he is really starting to get over me. I didn't think it would happen. But something has changed from when we were sleeping together every night. He is distant, all of a sudden.

SO. I guess I'll go on with why I'm tired. I woke up at 10, to get in the shower and go to the baby shower at 11. I left the shower at 1:30, and then went home for a while. I decided to finally go to the gym at 2:45, and got home at 5. When I got home, I left again, went to Walmart, went to the Pac A Sac to get beef jerky, and now I'm here at my parents' house, doing laundry. HAHA and David just messaged me. I guess he's home from his parents' house.

Well, I'll leave on that note. I just wanted to be the love of his life forever, I guess. Guess that's not going to happen...

What you've found sure upsets you
Never saw it coming did you?
Its easy to be suprised with both your eyes sewn closed
Handled with great percision, another thoughtless execution
You're the subject of this exhibition
A willing cadaver, a willing cadaver.
Scalpel, sutured.
Made whole again.

These cuts are leaving creases
Trace the scars, fit the peices
Tell your story, you don't need to say a word.
Call off the calvary, can't save a wretch like me.
Clean this with kerosene.
If you can't leave it be might as well make it bleed.
Scalpel, sutured.
Made whole again.

Your wires are frayed, can't fire right
You look better when out of sight
You were not made to stand and fight
There's something better wrong with you

Your wires are frayed, can't fire right
You look better when out of sight
You were not made to fire right
There's something better wrong with you

Your pulse is anemic, you're tired of the fire
You're bruising too easy and falling behind
And no one is waiting for you.
And no one is waiting for you.
And no one is waiting for you.

Call off your quarantine, can't save the rest from me
Clean this with kerosene.
If you can't leave it be might as well make it bleed.
Scapel, Sutured.
Made whole again.

Your wires are frayed, can't fire right
You look better when out of sight
You were not made to stand and fight
There's something better wrong with you

If You Can't Leave it Be, Might As Well Make it Bleed~Dashboard Confessional

Bank of Frank

Well, this day could not have started off any worse. Actually, it started last night. I was trying to transfer all my files from the old laptop to the iBook, and it ended up taking 3 hours.

Nothing to be concerned about, so why am I complaining?

I had gone to my parents' house to tell them about my school going's on, and I ended up doing the transfer there, because I had given my brother my old laptop. I had to end up leaving the iBook there....Sad. I only had it one day, and already I had to leave it somewhere other than my house. My Mom said,
"It's not your child."

Well, ok. So not only did I have to go to bed last night with no computer, I woke up this morning and could not check my email. I guess I knew this and was not very excited about getting up, because I woke up at 7:15. UGGGGHHHH. I was 30 minutes late to work, but I called my boss and told him I had a flat. He was fine with that. Since I am leaving the job June 1st anyway, I don't think he really cares too much.

So now I'm at work, not working (hehe) and I guess I'll go to my parents' house for lunch and pick up the iBook. I hope that sister I have didn't mess with it when she got home at all hours of the night.

I have been thinking about how much I miss hanging out with my friend Frank. I went to Virginia with him in November of last year and I had a great time. Anyway, he has a girlfriend now, and I hardly get to see or talk to him. I have left a link to his website, which consists of the greatest thing I could ever imagine doing with so much time on my hands...

School, as it seems.

Well, I have received the Mac. It is every bit as awesome as I thought it would be. It is much more sophisticated than a PC, and it is taking a while for me to figure it all out. I'm getting it down though.

On a different note, I have been so stressed out the past few weeks, I have really not done much at work. (Note the present time.) I found out today that I have received the loan I needed to live during the process of going back to grad school. That's right, going back to get the second Master's degree in my life. Even though I have a Bachelor's in Accounting and a Master's in Economics/Finance, I feel as though it is not my calling to work in the business industry. I think the reason I put myself through the hell I did acquiring the 2 former degrees has been solely on the recommendations of my Dad.

My Dad. He is my hero, always has been. He has done so much with his life, despite not going to college. I have always listened to his advice before anyone else can get a word in. I don't know why. I guess everyone has someone like that....

I am now finished registering for classes, applying for loans (although, I have seen nothing in the way of monetary funds at this time), and purchasing the new computer I so desparately needed. Now I just have to get prepared to start studying and doing homework again. I hate tests. But now is not the time to be worried about that.

The only thing I have left to do, it seems, is buy my books. *sigh*

Well, more later. I just wanted to get some of that stuff out, and leave you with the link.

Splintering

Ok, first off, no Mac. :( Sadness ensues.

Second, I was at the grocery store earlier today, and when I was walking out, a book caught my eye. It was a book by a girl who LOVES Sylvia Plath, whom I think is a great poet. Everyone should Google her if you get the time, and are interested in great writing.

And last, but definitely not least, I got my brother out of the house tonight.

We went to Barnes and Noble to read for awhile, and it was good for him, I think. He revealed something to me right before we made our way out to the B&N. He told me that Dad had arrived, and that he hated when Dad was home because there was a greater chance he'd be griped out. I just don't think that is healthy for someone living at home with their parents. I mean, I know that kids hate their parents and blah blah blah, but he isn't the type to say something unless he means it. He takes things in stride, and doesn't worry about anything. So I'm thinking this has to be a true, genuine feeling of contempt. I hope I'm wrong. Either way, I love them both.

The Mac

Well, today should be the day. We'll see if it comes at the stated arrival time of either 10:30 am, or 4:00 pm. Either way, it should be today.. The Mac

The Curse

Oh my gosh. I am about to watch Conor Oberst pour his heart out on national tv. I know I am a dork, but my god that boy can sing. I have always loved the dark, dreary boys, I can't help it. I tend to be the depressed type.

On a different note, I have been laying here talking to my brother on AIM, finding out what I thought was unfortunately true. He is more like me than I thought. He has become what I have always been: a loner. I feel bad for him. He needs more in his life. He was telling me that a girl commented to him on his blog, asking him who he hangs out with at school. He asked me what to say.

Me: I don't know, I don't go to school with you. I don't know who you hang around.
Him: I don't hang around anyone at school. I talk to people in class, but I don't really hang around anyone.
Me: Well tell her you hang out with Dan.
Him: I only talk to Dan every once in awhile, I don't really hang out with him.
Me: Well, I don't know.
Him: I really don't have any friends at school.

What do you say to that? I tried to tell him I was the same way in high school, and that college will be better. But will it? Was it for me? NO. I have friends now, very select friends, that I hang out with whenever I feel the need. But I don't have anyone I really trust, or with whom I'm really close friends. Oh, what a curse...

Secrets

Today as I was sitting at my desk at the office, minding my own business, Rene yells at me that she is sending me an email.

It says a lot about secrets. After reading everyone's terrors, nightmares, dreams and addictions, I decided to post a little secret of my own. I may even send it in. Who knows.

A few days ago, I received an email from my elementary school years. Jessica Sorenson, who is now known as Jessica Murphy, sent a few of us alumni an email. It was nice to hear from her, but why now? Anyway, she has 2 kids, and is living in Germany with her husband. I don't think I will ever get married. Not that I will avoid the marriage vows intentionally. No. I just don't have the attention span, nor the dedication. I am so selfish it hurts. I've become too independent to allow anyone into my life anymore.