Bleed

I am over at my parents' house right now, doing my laundry. I am extremely tired. I know why. I went to work yesterday, late, and after work I went to the gym to run, which was a sucky run. I then went home and refixed my hair in order to go to a Cinco de Mayo party, which also sucked. Let me say something about that before I continue on...

This party was the worst thing I've been to in a while. It was in the American Legion building downtown, which I had never been to before. I showed up at 10:30 or so, thinking it was going to be a good time. When I walked in the front door, I could tell immediately that this was not the most exciting place to be on a Friday night. The front room was well lit, with people milling around. People being around 20-25 count probably. In other words, not that many people were there, from what I could tell. There were folding tables around the room in a long rectangle. I'm guessing that there were silent auction items on these tables. I saw Theresa, JoAnn's sister in law, to my left, sitting at a table. I went and said hi to her, but she was busy. I turned around and David and Bendsley were headed my direction. I talked to them for a few minutes, about nothing really, and then walked over past the tables and said hello to Samantha. She was talking to some random man, and I didn't know who he was, so I looked around for JoAnn. I spotted her only a few feet away, talking to a cop. I walked over to her, and she looked at me, smiled, and said "Hello! I have not seen you in ages!" I said "I know!" and we hugged. Then, she introduced me to the cop, and we chatted for a bit, the three of us. When JoAnn mentioned for me to get a beer, that it was free, I obliged. I walked over to the window to ask for a beer from the girl there, and learned there was no Coors Light. They offered only Miller or Smirnoff. Not Vodka, those awful things they have out now that are an excuse for a sweet alcoholic beverage. I noticed they had the little 8 oz. cans of soda, and I asked for a Diet Coke. I turned around and David and Bendsley had walked over and we decided to watch people dancing. What I didn't know was that there was a dance going on in the next room. David said they had spotted a lot of cute girls. Ok. Let me stop right there.

I don't know why he told me that. I don't care to hear it, and he's never said that about any other place we've been to together. He has never mentioned when he sees girls he thinks are cute. I was upset. When we were standing there, watching the people in the next room dance, he and Bendsley were talking about all the girls that were there. I DON'T want to hear all that. He may not care about me anymore, but I get jealous when he talks like that. I'll cut to the chase. When we were leaving, he told JoAnn that if there were any cute girls that wanted his number, that she was to give it to them. Plus, all evening, when we were talking about various things, he was so rude. Just in every little thing he said. And one other thing, when a lady walked by once with her fat belly hanging out of her shirt, I made the comment that he should get with her. He just said, "No, I already have the lucky ladies picked out that I want." Seriously! Do you have to say that? UGGHHH.

Well, so when we left, I decided I needed to go get a baby shower gift bag for today for a friend of mine, Tiffany. I went to Walmart, and I guess they decided to go to Hummers, because the next thing I knew, I had a voicemail. I hadn't even heard my phone ring. But anyway, I checked my voicemail and he had said they were going there. I called him back and said, "I don't think I'm going to go. I am at Walmart getting a bag for Tiffany, and then I'm going home. I don't really want to go anyway because you were so rude tonight." All he said was, "Oh. I am sorry." So, that was that. I went home, when he got home, he chatted online with me for a few minutes, and then went to bed. I couldn't believe it. I saw him at the baby shower today, and I've talked to him a little on AIM, but other than that, I haven't really had the impression he wants to even talk to me. I guess he is really starting to get over me. I didn't think it would happen. But something has changed from when we were sleeping together every night. He is distant, all of a sudden.

SO. I guess I'll go on with why I'm tired. I woke up at 10, to get in the shower and go to the baby shower at 11. I left the shower at 1:30, and then went home for a while. I decided to finally go to the gym at 2:45, and got home at 5. When I got home, I left again, went to Walmart, went to the Pac A Sac to get beef jerky, and now I'm here at my parents' house, doing laundry. HAHA and David just messaged me. I guess he's home from his parents' house.

Well, I'll leave on that note. I just wanted to be the love of his life forever, I guess. Guess that's not going to happen...

What you've found sure upsets you
Never saw it coming did you?
Its easy to be suprised with both your eyes sewn closed
Handled with great percision, another thoughtless execution
You're the subject of this exhibition
A willing cadaver, a willing cadaver.
Scalpel, sutured.
Made whole again.

These cuts are leaving creases
Trace the scars, fit the peices
Tell your story, you don't need to say a word.
Call off the calvary, can't save a wretch like me.
Clean this with kerosene.
If you can't leave it be might as well make it bleed.
Scalpel, sutured.
Made whole again.

Your wires are frayed, can't fire right
You look better when out of sight
You were not made to stand and fight
There's something better wrong with you

Your wires are frayed, can't fire right
You look better when out of sight
You were not made to fire right
There's something better wrong with you

Your pulse is anemic, you're tired of the fire
You're bruising too easy and falling behind
And no one is waiting for you.
And no one is waiting for you.
And no one is waiting for you.

Call off your quarantine, can't save the rest from me
Clean this with kerosene.
If you can't leave it be might as well make it bleed.
Scapel, Sutured.
Made whole again.

Your wires are frayed, can't fire right
You look better when out of sight
You were not made to stand and fight
There's something better wrong with you

If You Can't Leave it Be, Might As Well Make it Bleed~Dashboard Confessional