Borrowed Time

So since I arrived in Amarillo Friday, September 14, a multitude of events have happened.
I wanted to tell my friends, that way I could feel some relief from the
pressure I feel on my chest and shoulders. And because I know my brother
reads these blogs occasionally.

When I arrived Friday at 12:30, my mom had just driven back from Nazareth.
She had been staying with my grandparents for a few days. The fact that she
could drive herself home is a good thing; Labor Day weekend she was there
and my grandma had to bring her back to Amarillo. At that time she had
started to have swelling in her legs and feet, and she was having a hard
time doing any sort of walking. She said her legs feel like they weigh 30
pounds each when they are at their most swollen.

She and my dad had gone to the doctor the day after Labor Day, September 4th,
and asked them what the deal was and what was causing the swelling. The short
story is this:

The tumor in her lungs have grown quite a bit and are blocking a lot of her airway.
Also, the protein in her body is not being broken down the way it should be, and that
is what is causing her feet and legs to swell. She has to keep her feet elevated
at any point when she is sitting down, and because of the blockage in her airway,
she has a hard time breathing--so she has stopped sleeping in her bed. Because
she is scared she'll stop breathing when she's asleep, she has started sleeping
in a reclined position on the couch with her feet up. And since I've been here,
she won't sleep in the living room without someone in the room. So my dad and
I have taken turns with her. I stay up until 1:00 or 2:00 am, my usual, and then I go
and get him and he goes into the living room to sleep in the recliner. Last night
we did this and it worked out really well. She went to sleep around midnight, and she
slept for 6 hours, until my dad got up to go to work. That's the first time she's slept
that long at night in two weeks, my dad said.

Anyway, so today was the first day I was here all day with her by myself. My dad
was at work, and planned to come home at 3:00 pm to meet with a lady from
in-home hospice and see what they need to do for my mom (the doctor suggested
it when they went to see him on September 4th).

All day my mom was uncomfortable. She couldn't breathe very well, and around 2:00
she was extremely exhausted. She wanted to sleep, but any way she would sit or lay
she couldn't breathe. So I tried to comfort her by sitting beside her and letting her lean
against me. It was the only way she could breathe. She said something that really
surprised me--she said she thought she was going to have to have oxygen to help her
breathe. She said she hated to admit it, but that is what she thought it would take.
The position we were sitting in helped because after 30 minutes she was deep asleep.

My dad came home around 3:00, and the hospice lady came and talked to us. She
told us everything they offer, and I think my parents are going to do it. More about
that later. But the lady did say that she thought we should go ahead and order some
oxygen from the home health care place here, and now. My dad called them and
ordered it, and now my mom is breathing well on an oxygen tank. She will probably
use it all the time; she seems more at ease.

I leave tomorrow. I don't want to, but I don't know if I can do this anymore this
week. Next week should be better. I plan to come back around September 27th or
so, unless there's no need for it. I just want to be here as much as I can, considering
how rapidly she's deteriorated JUST IN THE LAST 3 DAYS.

I found out something last night from my aunt. I went to talk to her because I just
couldn't take it anymore, and needed to vent and cry for a good 2 hours. She helped
a lot, more than I thought she would, and she told me something my parents neglected
to mention to me, probably because they are trying to protect me. I was floored.

The doctors gave my mom 2 months to live.